Write night rage

Perhaps rage is too strong of a word. Write night brain cramp is more appropriate. I just can't seem to focus on anything tonight. The insomnia couldn't possibly have anything to do with that, could it.

Sleep rage, now there's something I know a lot about. I experience it after I have lain (or is it laid) awake for two hours waiting for Mr. Sandman to carry my off to dreamland. My body aches for sleep. My mind is confused, like its lost something and can't find it. No clues. No breadcrumb trail. Can't remember where I put it last. My mind rebels against the forces of nature, the natural rhythm of sleep and awake. Day is night and night is day. Except I find no respite from awake during the day either. During the day I manage to operate as long as I am not required to call upon any higher order thinking. Try teaching in a state of brain fog. I struggle to focus on the task at hand; no distractions please, it might give me away. I try to pretend I'm fine; show no weakness; but in the blink of a swollen, dark encircled eye, my secret is exposed. No I didn't sleep well last night I say. In truth, I haven't slept well in years, it just happens to be worse right now. I don't want drugs; I just want sleep. Sweet sleep. Perhaps to dream. To wake refreshed, energetic, eager to tackle the challenges of a new day.

Road Rage

What are things that can upset your applecart on whatever the road is upon which you travel? The roads we travel are many and varied. There is the life we lead and all the branches that have veered us in different directions. We begin with a destination in mind. But, then we come to a fork and have to choose. These choices are not always cut and dry, nor are they easy. We need to think ahead and not be surprised at the blocks in our way. These blocks can be frustrating and seemingly impossible to overcome. With some thought and patience we can indeed carry on and enjoy the new direction we find ourselves travelling.

That is not what I had originally planned to say. I suppose that is another path. I have learned through writing for no purpose other than to put thought to paper that my ideas may wonder and not to get upset at what I am thinking of putting down when it does not materialize in the way I envisioned.

I was driving carefully over here tonight. Not that I do not usually drive carefully, but when it is dark and wet I am more cautious. I was stopped by a never-ending (of course it did end, or I would not be here) train. All of a sudden I see flashing blue lights on the other side. They reflect on the wet pavement underneath the bars that prevent us from crossing in front of the train that moves quicker that it appears from our waiting perspective. No sooner does the end of the train pass the junction of the opposing flashing bars than the two cars wih their flashing blue light weave speedily through and over to the other side. Fair enough you think. However, as soon as the police car clears the track and is safe on the side where it belongs, lights go off and speed is normal.

I try not to get upset about waiting for trains, I pull over for emergency vehicles as soon as I can safely do so, but for them to blatantly use the equipment for a personal goal makes me seethe. It makes me wonder whether I need to pull over for flashing lights at all. Perhaps they are all on a mission that is not legitimate and in a way are like "The Boy Who Cried Wolf."

I have to teach two kids to drive, and part of that is a responsible awareness and courtesy to oythers around them. It is made that much harder when they see authority figures flout the rules and do what they want.

Maybe there was a legitimate reason, but for the life of me I cannot think of one that would necessitate flashing blue lights one side of the track and then no need for them once the track has been crossed.

Oh, well. Get another cup of coffee and sit back, relax, and enjoy the music here to sooth. All too soon I shall be on the road again heading home. This time I pass through an area of the Interstate where it is hard to see cars and trucks coming off the Interstate and the trucks believe they have the right of way. My little car may as well be invisible. For sure I shall have eyes wide open, hands gripped tightly around the steering wheel so that they turn pale and refuse to relax easily, sit up as straight as I possibly can with one foot hovering over the brake pedal in case I need to make a quick stop. Just hope no one is behind me.

Tough Love

Um, so I had no idea what to suggest for a topic this time, so I grabbed one at random. However, the weather outside (rainy, cold, yucky) suggests the potential for road rage. If I were in Wes's car with him tonight on the way to Moultrie, I'm sure I'd see several instances of road hissy fits. Okay, so hissy fit is too wimpy of a term, but road rage is too strong. Wes doesn't pitch a fit; he educates other drivers.

I teach in the classroom; the whole road is Wes's classroom. Someone drives too slowly in the wrong lane--he shows them how frustrating that is by staying right behind them, encouraging them to move over. He illustrates the error of their ways, I guess you could call it tough love if you ignore the "love" part.

A person who pulls in front of him will also get the pleasure of Wes's Xterra panting against his bumper. I just close my eyes and pretend to be elsewhere, a strategy Wes encourages by patting my notebook and saying, "Don't you have some writing to do?" His other favorite line? "Don't you have some papers to grade?" If I'm watching, I try to encourage him to back off, and he encourages the other car to speed up, leaving us with way too many teachers and no students--not a fun situation.

People outside the window behind me startle me. Their laughter surprises me. I wonder if they're reading my words on the screen. Surely not. How interesting can it be?

I like the music here at Hildegard's. This song especially would soothe someone inclined to rage, at least I think it would. Since I don't overflow with rage much, I don't know what such a person would find soothing. Maybe such a person can't be soothed. And maybe I'm fooling myself that I don't get that angry. A few people can certainly set me off.

What angers me?

• people who don't take responsibility for their actions
• people who don't see themselves clearly
• anyone who drives badly around me
• people who drive in rainy or dark weather without lights
• people who don't signal for turns
• people who shout into cellphones in a crowded restaurant
• people who don't turn off their cellphone ringers in theatres or classrooms
• people who don't prepare their bank deposits or whatever before they reach the teller

Basically, then, inconsiderate people annoy me, prompting quick bursts of anger that dissipate soon. I'm not a Southern belle who understands much about etiquette, but I understand the value of putting others before one's self. I also understand that sometimes I have to put myself before others, but not always, not regularly.

Um, where did the philosophical turn happen? I wanted a fun, lighthearted topic. What can that be? I guess using "rage" as part of the topic was not a good idea.

I wonder what other kinds of rages exist or could exist:

• Makeup rage: the beauty queen who is sick of people who can't be bothered to find a decent hairstyle
• Mother rage: the mom who doesn't understand that her screaming child isn't adored by everyone
• Mother rage: the mom who is sick of having another pop psychologist suggest that the previous generation of experts incorrectly concluded that time out was a good idea and that she's a bad mother, who is tired of everyone blaming parents for everything
• Smoker rage: the smoker who is sick of being banquished further and further from friends
• Coffee rage: the regular Joe (ha ha) who just wants a .59 cup of coffee and is bewildered by all the choices at the cafe

I guess I'm running out of ideas, but I think that could be a cool idea for a topic. What kind of rage should we name next? What does it consist of? Who is liable to suffer from it? What's the cure?

I lean forward to sip more coffee. My fingers slow, my thoughts slow, even my blood slows. Cool air flows around my ankles, prompting me to snuggle deeper into my jacket, quit typing, and read the words of others.

Write Night Topic

Tonight's topic: Road Rage

Write away BWP folks. Remember that you don't have to meet us at Hildegard's to write with us. We'd love to read your words on the blog. If you can't join us physically, join us virtually, and use this space to re-connect with other good teachers, smart people, thoughtful writers.

Writing Retreat Dates

More information will be coming in the newsletter Jan. 12, but you may want to go ahead and note these dates: March 23-25, 2007. That's when Blackwater Writing Project will hold its first writing retreat. Come write with us. See the newsletter for the registration form.

Happy Holidays!

Just a quick note to wish you all a happy and safe holiday. It's been a productive but busy year at VSU as I'm sure it has at all your institutions. See you soon.