Where in the world am I?
Sometimes I really have no clue where I am. Ok, no… make that most of the time. Most of the time I have no clue where I am. I feel so… displaced. Distracted. My life is in constant motion… constant disarray. I live in Baxley, and I drive to Douglas to teach 5 days a week. I spend a little over 9 hours in the car over a period of 4 to 4.5 days – however long it takes me to go through a whole tank of gas. (I only know this because my super cool new Edge tells me so on my trip meter.) I stay late at school to lesson plan or grade papers, and then I drive back home to Baxley to fulfill other obligations. I help out with the show choir in Baxley, and I’m active in my church. Those things keep me very, very busy. A good busy. I feel like I only light at my house. I go there to sleep and sleep only. And do laundry. (Which apparently is never-ending. Geeze.)
Where I am… I’m caught in the middle. I’m caught in the middle of my job in Douglas, my family, friends, and show choir “babies” in Baxley, and my closest girlfriends in Valdosta and Thomasville. I feel like Stretch Armstrong. I’m being pulled and stretched. My body is in one place and my heart is in two completely different other places. It’s not that I don’t love my job in Douglas. I love my students, I love my colleagues, and I love the friends I’ve made there. But I love Baxley. I love living on the farm and being close to my family. I love Greg and Karen and my show choir “babies” that I work with on Monday nights. I love my church family. And I also love Valdosta and Thomasville. Jennifer and Nicole and Bridgett. The Blazers. Coyoacan. Blackwater folks that I don’t get to see nearly often enough. Good shopping. (Never thought I’d say that… but Baxley has NOTHING.) La Berry. Fun. Familiarity. Peace. What once was home is now home away from home. What I really wish is that I could take all of these things that I love and combine it all into one. One big ball of happy.
I literally feel torn. I want to be in three or four different places all at one time, and I have absolutely no clue as to where I am really supposed to be.
That’s where I am.