Food, Glorious Food!

Good, golly Dr. Dixey!  Will you be my mommy?  Or at least give me cooking lessons?  

So, yesterday I told y'all how my mother was inept at styling my hair.  Cooking is not one of her strengths either, especially when you compare her to cooks in the South. 

For the most part, if it doesn't come from a box, my mom doesn't make it.  Hamburger Helper was a staple in my family, and my mom is a natural at burning hot dogs.  Luckily, my dad likes them like that, so that was never an issue.  

And people wonder why I don't cook.  Actually, it's not that I can't cook; I just choose not to.  I am the complete opposite of my mother.  I don't like things that come from a box, and when cooking, say cookies, insist on doing them from scratch versus scooping them out of the pre-made roll made by, say, Betty Crocker.  (Does Betty make them?  I don't even know.)  Unfortunately, I haven't mastered cookies yet.  The only cookies that I have managed to do well are called "Writer's Block," and they have chocolate and coconut in them.  

This past Christmas I wanted to make cookies for my 8th graders.  I knew that my "Writer's Block" cookies would most likely not please their palates, so I decided to try some new recipes.  I picked traditional chocolate chip and Reese's Pieces since I could not find and Mini M&Ms.   I spent all night with my new orange Kitchenaid mixer whipping up what I though were going to be delicious cookies.  (I had even bought four new Kitchenaid cookie sheets to increase my productivity.)  I could never get the timing right and my chocolate chip cookies ended up resembling rocks while the Reese's crumbled with the slightest touch.  

After my cookie debacle, Lindsi told me that a piece of white bread in a bag with too hard cookies will soften the cookies.  I refuse to be defeated by cookies, but admit that maybe breads might be my forte.  I make a mean banana bread.  If only I could survive on banana bread alone . . . 

I'm jealous of people who can cook by instinct.  When I have some free time, I love to watch the Food Network.  Giada DeLaurentiis is my favorite chef to watch.  (That has got to be one of the coolest names ever!)  I like to think that if we met, we would be friends.  And I like how she always seems to work chocolate in.  I mean, everything is better with chocolate!  

I have decided that one of the many requirements for the man that I marry is that he has to cook because, let's be honest, I'm probably not going to.  But I will be more than happy to call for take out!  (Although if it's a Ben McKenzie-type or Hugh Dancy-type, I might just be willing to learn.)