Picture Day (Really)

As you might guess, with a nickname like Wendy the Whale picture day was never a happy one. Add to that charming moniker my mother’s rule against wearing make-up and my uncanny ability to contort my face into bizarre expressions at the very appearance of a camera and you have the formula for destroying a high-school social life. Since high school teachers did not escort students to the picture area, I would roam the halls a few minutes and return to class never having seen the photographer. When everyone else took pictures home to their parents, I deceived my parents by telling them I was absent on picture day, believable as I faked sick a lot to avoid PE. Eventually, I learned to apply and remove make-up at school out of reach of my protective mother. The weight stayed with me a few more years. Lucky for me or I would have missed out on all the clever jokes about the bus flipping over or earthquakes at school. Besides, the cheerleaders wouldn’t have anyone to torment if I lost weight any sooner. Now that I’m a mature adult, I politely decline to sit for the school photographer-it keeps my mug shot out of the yearbook. I do find some solace in the TV show “My Name is Earl.” He’s infamous for horrible photos of himself. If some screenwriter came up with that idea, then surely I am not alone in my photophobophobia (fear of having your picture taken).