Would you rather . . .

Be forced to look at yourself in every reflective surface you pass for at least 20 seconds or never see your reflection again?

That’s an easy one—I already spend at least 20 seconds looking at myself in every reflective surface I pass. With this face, who wouldn’t? I’ve thought about insuring it multiple times, but I finally decided I don’t get enough exposure to the elements to worry. And by the by, my tendency to look goofy in every single photo I’ve ever taken in my entire life reflects in no part the stunning beauty I possess.

That your significant other have a huge crush and strong physical attraction to your best friend or have them absolutely hate each other?

Another no-brainer. I’d rather them hate each other’s guts. It’s not like I listen when either one gives advice anyway, so when they started spouting off about each other, I’d yawn and let my brain go to that happy place in Fight Club—you know, with the penguins and the ice-sliding and such. And if we had to go out in public together, I’d always be the center of attention, since they hate each other so much. If you ask me, having a best friend and man who hate each other would have its advantages.

Have your thumb and first finger glued together for life in the “OK” sign or be forced to say “thank you” before ever sentence?

Hello, do they even think when they write these questions? How stupid would you sound saying “thank you” before every sentence? “Thank you, I hate you and want to break up with you. Thank you, you bastard.” I don’t think so. I’d rather go through life with my thumb and finger glued together; at least I could run around in short skirts and pretend to be a hot chick from one of those anime shows where it’s normal to always make that symbol.

Live your life without any taste buds or never have any feeling in your fingers?

Now this one’s a tough-ie. If I get rid of the taste buds, I can eat healthy food all the time and become a fat-burning machine. If I lose the sense in my fingers, I’ll have to . . .ummm…watch very carefully while I type? What the hell do we use sense of touch for anyway, unless it’s in some exercise directed especially towards your fingers? Then again, I do like the feel of soft silk between my thumb and finger . . . which I guess are already glued together in the OK symbol, so hell—get rid of it!