Stressors = Anxiety Producers
So, let's talk about the stressors in my life. They are in no particular order:
1. The six-year-old dose of attitude I've been getting for the last week.
2. Money, or lack thereof until March 15.
3. Lack of motivation at work
4. Seeing annual objectives that haven't reached the point I think they should have for this stage in the game.
5. The manuscript I'm editing that, when completed, will relieve stressor #2.
6. Learning to navigate life as a single mom.
7. Learning to function as a single person after 10 years.
8. The thought of someone else seeing me...well, you know.
9. My weight (which relates directly to #8).
Ok, enough about that. As I continue to list, I can feel the anxiety creeping in, tightening my chest, creating tunnel vision.
Stinkin' Thinkin' my stepmother calls it. Snowballing...or in my case sometimes, avalanching. Haha.
I can only do the best I can until I can do better. I think Janice, my dear Ya-Ya, wrote that somewhere. Or at least she mentioned it in conversation. I think it had to do with "Something Safe, Something Free" and Willy...or really it could apply to just about any of the characters in her stories.
What if the best isn't good enough? That's a stressor. An anxiety-producer. A fear of failure. I have those all the time.
I need a crown that says WOPT on it--what other people think--because I worry about that too much. I worry about the stigma of being a single mom. I worry that I won't be able to make another person happy (because clearly I didn't succeed this time around).
Ultimately, I'm a perfectionist. When I sense imperfection, I get stressed. My stress manifests itself through anxiety. Thank God they make pills for that! haha
Students here are stressed. It's the last week of winter quarter. Their stress manifests itself in panic. Is that the same as anxiety? I don't think so.
At least not for me.
So, here's the last on my list:
10. Perfectionism.
Like Anne Lamott says, it's the voice of the oppressor. Maybe I need to get those screaming banshees out of my head. Writing is therapeutic. Cathartic even.
Stressors. Anxiety. Perfection.
Wow. I feel better.
1. The six-year-old dose of attitude I've been getting for the last week.
2. Money, or lack thereof until March 15.
3. Lack of motivation at work
4. Seeing annual objectives that haven't reached the point I think they should have for this stage in the game.
5. The manuscript I'm editing that, when completed, will relieve stressor #2.
6. Learning to navigate life as a single mom.
7. Learning to function as a single person after 10 years.
8. The thought of someone else seeing me...well, you know.
9. My weight (which relates directly to #8).
Ok, enough about that. As I continue to list, I can feel the anxiety creeping in, tightening my chest, creating tunnel vision.
Stinkin' Thinkin' my stepmother calls it. Snowballing...or in my case sometimes, avalanching. Haha.
I can only do the best I can until I can do better. I think Janice, my dear Ya-Ya, wrote that somewhere. Or at least she mentioned it in conversation. I think it had to do with "Something Safe, Something Free" and Willy...or really it could apply to just about any of the characters in her stories.
What if the best isn't good enough? That's a stressor. An anxiety-producer. A fear of failure. I have those all the time.
I need a crown that says WOPT on it--what other people think--because I worry about that too much. I worry about the stigma of being a single mom. I worry that I won't be able to make another person happy (because clearly I didn't succeed this time around).
Ultimately, I'm a perfectionist. When I sense imperfection, I get stressed. My stress manifests itself through anxiety. Thank God they make pills for that! haha
Students here are stressed. It's the last week of winter quarter. Their stress manifests itself in panic. Is that the same as anxiety? I don't think so.
At least not for me.
So, here's the last on my list:
10. Perfectionism.
Like Anne Lamott says, it's the voice of the oppressor. Maybe I need to get those screaming banshees out of my head. Writing is therapeutic. Cathartic even.
Stressors. Anxiety. Perfection.
Wow. I feel better.
posted by Jennifer at
4:51 PM
4 Comments:
I can completely relate to so many of your stressors! I know that you will navigate the waters of singlepersonhood magnificently! If not, maybe we can work on it together, as I believe I am about to enter that same pool, and God forbid that someone has to see me in a swimsuit!
By
Mary Poppins, at 6:15 PM
My students wrote a journal entry on Baz Luhrmann's Sunscreen Song this morning. My favorite line is "The race is long, and in the end it's only with yourself." Know that no one else is judging you as harshly as you criticize your own life, and breathe : )
By
blindsi, at 10:35 AM
Okay, clearly, we have been out of touch for far too long. When did you and Wes separate? How are you and gorgeous, smart Caroline handling things? Um, just so you know, if you end up moving back to the home area, BWP is always ready for you to become more involved . . .
Seriously, I hope all is well. But you'll be a fabulous mom whether you're a married mom or a single mom. Caroline's awesome, and that's on you.
Anetia may be coming into town sometime this summer (for two weeks) with Chandler. I'll let you know when she's coming down. Maybe you can head this way, and we can have a Writing Center reunion.
By
Donna Sewell, at 12:09 PM
@MaryPoppins, I have faith that it'll all work out...for both of us!
@blindsi, thank you for the quote...so putting it on my FB (yes, I'll be one of *those* who posts lyrics as my status)
@Donna, I'll email you...but I'm SO down for a WC reunion.
By
Jennifer, at 12:53 PM
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