What I Carry
Things I Carry...
Last night I carried Gallagher home with me. As I walked across the bridge to my car, I passed one of my former professors. I had him for psychology, and as he smiled at Gallagher, who just happened to be waving at Rebecca from my bag at the moment, I could only imagine the list of disorders he was developing for me. Or not, he was a pretty great teacher, but we should be able to carry more of the postive aspects of childhood with us through life-like playing with stuffed animals occasionally. I'm not suggesting we all shirk responsibility and run around like five year olds, but most of us would be a happier if we carried a stuffed frog in our bags.
I also carry--
-Too many bags
-Often Anna
-Forty pounds I never lost post-pregnancy!
-Pretty pens
-Hand sanitizer
-The baggage of two and a half divorces-not my own
-The knowledge that I can learn from those divorces and not repeat those mistakes
-The feeling that my husband loves me unconditionally
-The belief that my daughter will grow up to be good person
-Regret from words said in anger that can't be taken back
-Friends I can call whenever I need them
-Lists, lists, lists
-My cell phone (when I can find it!)
-Faith in God
-A desire to grow professionally
-A desire to shrink physically
-The constant desire for a yard fairy to cut my grass and pull weeds
-The joy of being a mother
-The annoyance of some people thinking that because I stay home I'm involved in some antiquated relationship with my husband
-The pleasure of having a husband who spent four years earning a Pharm. D. so that I can stay home
-Memories of summers at my grandparents-riding four wheelers, shucking corn, eating watermelon on the bed of grandaddy's truck
-Memories of Germany and my Oma sneaking my cherries and kipfel between meals
-Summers in St. Augustine
-The strength of my Oma
-The stubbornness of my father
-Ponytail holders
-Memories that I'm uncertain of that haunt me-things my mother says never happened, but I'm quite sure they did
-Questions about my childhood that I'm afraid to ask
-A Yearly Planner
So the list is pretty random, but many of these things make me "me." It's impossible to think about this topic without thinking of Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried. I worked with a few teachers who didn't want to teach it because it was about war. It's really more about people. I remember thinking it wasn't what I expected when I read it. I thought it would be about the Vietnam War, and it was in a way, but it was more specifically about the things soldiers carried with them into war, emotionally and physically, and what they had to carry when they walked away. I think in the same way as the events of war shape the way a soldier reacts to life back home, the things in our past influence our reactions to daily life. I know that's a pretty simple concept, but it's one I think we forget about a lot when dealing with other people. We don't know what "wars" they've been in. I do think there's a point when people need to get over it. I mean I understand you being shaped by an event, but what shapes you is your reaction to it as much as the event yourself. But now I'm being cynical, and that's not where I meant to go. I'll "carry" my thoughts somewhere else now and respond to other posts.
I wonder if Gallagher is like Kermit and carries a struggle with his greenness?
Last night I carried Gallagher home with me. As I walked across the bridge to my car, I passed one of my former professors. I had him for psychology, and as he smiled at Gallagher, who just happened to be waving at Rebecca from my bag at the moment, I could only imagine the list of disorders he was developing for me. Or not, he was a pretty great teacher, but we should be able to carry more of the postive aspects of childhood with us through life-like playing with stuffed animals occasionally. I'm not suggesting we all shirk responsibility and run around like five year olds, but most of us would be a happier if we carried a stuffed frog in our bags.
I also carry--
-Too many bags
-Often Anna
-Forty pounds I never lost post-pregnancy!
-Pretty pens
-Hand sanitizer
-The baggage of two and a half divorces-not my own
-The knowledge that I can learn from those divorces and not repeat those mistakes
-The feeling that my husband loves me unconditionally
-The belief that my daughter will grow up to be good person
-Regret from words said in anger that can't be taken back
-Friends I can call whenever I need them
-Lists, lists, lists
-My cell phone (when I can find it!)
-Faith in God
-A desire to grow professionally
-A desire to shrink physically
-The constant desire for a yard fairy to cut my grass and pull weeds
-The joy of being a mother
-The annoyance of some people thinking that because I stay home I'm involved in some antiquated relationship with my husband
-The pleasure of having a husband who spent four years earning a Pharm. D. so that I can stay home
-Memories of summers at my grandparents-riding four wheelers, shucking corn, eating watermelon on the bed of grandaddy's truck
-Memories of Germany and my Oma sneaking my cherries and kipfel between meals
-Summers in St. Augustine
-The strength of my Oma
-The stubbornness of my father
-Ponytail holders
-Memories that I'm uncertain of that haunt me-things my mother says never happened, but I'm quite sure they did
-Questions about my childhood that I'm afraid to ask
-A Yearly Planner
So the list is pretty random, but many of these things make me "me." It's impossible to think about this topic without thinking of Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried. I worked with a few teachers who didn't want to teach it because it was about war. It's really more about people. I remember thinking it wasn't what I expected when I read it. I thought it would be about the Vietnam War, and it was in a way, but it was more specifically about the things soldiers carried with them into war, emotionally and physically, and what they had to carry when they walked away. I think in the same way as the events of war shape the way a soldier reacts to life back home, the things in our past influence our reactions to daily life. I know that's a pretty simple concept, but it's one I think we forget about a lot when dealing with other people. We don't know what "wars" they've been in. I do think there's a point when people need to get over it. I mean I understand you being shaped by an event, but what shapes you is your reaction to it as much as the event yourself. But now I'm being cynical, and that's not where I meant to go. I'll "carry" my thoughts somewhere else now and respond to other posts.
I wonder if Gallagher is like Kermit and carries a struggle with his greenness?
posted by blindsi at
8:30 AM
4 Comments:
I'll be cynical with you and agree that generally people do need to get over it. I dated a 25 year old that blamed all his emotional drama on a crappy childhood. Give me a break. Your childhood was 15 years ago. He had opportunities provided to him and he chose not to take advantage. There have been so many stories of people with crappy childhoods ending up being successful. I had no sumpathy for him.
By
Jennifer Swain, at 9:04 AM
I like the way you play with contrast, such as growing and shrinking. And remembering that moment on the bridge yesterday made me laugh. Yep, I agree: we all need to be children some time. Adults who don't play aren't fully human.
By
Donna Sewell, at 9:15 AM
Your post reminded me of two quotes I've used often: It's not the problem but how you handle it that matters
Character is what we are when no one is looking.
Maybe these don't connect but what you wrote triggered them so for me, there was a connection.
By
bpd, at 10:27 PM
when you find that yard fairy, can you send her my way?
I also carry questions about my childhood. I all too often ask and all too often stay angry or hurt for a week.
and how often do you highlight stuff in that yearly planner? :)
By
nsmith, at 2:54 AM
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