Emails That Put Me In A Pissy Mood

I hate opening an email from a well-meaning friend lacking computer literacy/media literacy/information literacy skills. For example, when someone forwards a message, email etiquette says to delete any extraneous information prior to forwarding, such as the HUGE list of email addresses the first sender used to distribute the email to her friends. That way, when I receive the witty, interesting, or cautionary email I do not have to scroll five minutes to finally reach the message. Along that same vein, if I am required to open an email within an email within an email, the impact of the original message diminishes with each click of an attachment. Typically I find it easier to click delete than all of those attachments.

Then there is the friend who sends me emails with animated clip art such as cats, dogs, hearts, and Precious Moments children. I call these the "feel-good" emails. In addition to such lovely clip art, which by the way has no less than twenty spaced throughout the email so that the reader must scroll through them one at a time, these messages typically contain synthesized music that missed the cut at Mr. Otis's elevator company. What is the purpose of these emails? Are they supposed to make me feel good? The sender feel good? How did the sender intuit that I was having a bad day and needed to read her email? How did she know I would be her audience?

I prefer to give equal-opportunity complaints to other friends who send me hex emails. You know, the ones that tell me if I don't pass them on to at least ten people I will be nailed by an out-of-control driver as I cross the street. Or the ones that say I will receive a new computer, free meal, or cash if I forward it to 50 people. And then the ones that exist on a higher, moral plain, the cyber-prayer emails, which insist that if I want God to bless me I will forward the message to at least ten of my closest friends. Are there people out there who cling to the hope that I will forward them an angel email from God? Surely not.

WWW.SNOPES.COM. Please utilize this information resource to fact-check prior to forwarding any emails to my inbox. Afraid that a child has been kidnapped and your email will be the one to save the little red-haired girl named Penny in the picture? Look first on Snopes to see if it is real, or just an urban legend. If I do have a little free time on my hands, I will hit "reply all" and post the rumor verification information myself so that all of the other friends you emailed it to will not be fooled. If something sounds too good to be true, or in other words, if you really think that you can make money by sending me an email, then go right ahead. Send it to me. Just don't expect me to verify our friendship by returning any emails to you.