The Looney Tunes Head to the Looney Bin

I started this freewrite describing Saturday mornings in front of the console TV (Is my age showing?) watching the beloved Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Hour. When for some reason, I'm sure it's not my Black Water companions, my train of thought made a sharp turn. What if the Looney Tunes' characters were headed to the Looney Bin? What kinds of diagnoses would they have? After careful, albeit not medical, consideration I decided Bugs Bunny would be treated for narcissism. His lack of empathy for the other characters and need to be the center of attention make him a classic, textbook case. Sylvester would need serious treatment for low self-esteem as I just looked him up on Wikipedia and found him classified as the character who died the most. Elmer Fudd is in deperate need of therapy for his anti-social personality disorder. He has blatent disregard for the safety of others and an inability to conform to rules (like sticking to the actual hunting season dates). Yosemite Sam, well, do I have to even write it? He has oppositional defiance disorder complete with the tell-tale symptoms of sudden mood changes, low tolerance of others, and outbursts of temper. Who has ADHD? You guessed it, Speedy Gonzales. That little rodent just can't stay still. Poor Daffy Duck's sensitivity to rejection and over-value of the material things in life make him a perfect candidate for attachment disorder therapy. Finally, but probably the least serious of all, is Porky Pig. He was a profound stutterer, but treatment has vastly improved since Aristotle's day when stuttering was attributed to weak tongues. I'm leaving a few of my favorites out, but I'll catch up after attending my next Psychiatry seminar.