Tomorrow's Wishes
You know, many times when we think about, write about, or talk about tomorrow in reality we're making wishes. Maybe they resound within the depths of our minds, "Did I remember to turn the coffee maker off this morning? ( as in I hope the house is still standing when I get home)," maybe they're voiced to those around us, "I hope there's macaroni for lunch tomorrow," or maybe they're even written about "Beans, beans the musical fruit (wishing for beans because gas makes some people feel better)."
So, what wishes do you have? What do you hope for when you think of tomorrow? I hope for world peace. Isn't that the usual cliche' answer? I'm a little more selfish than that . . .
1. I wish for . . . one million dollars! (duh, duh, duuuuuuh!) They say money doesn't bring you happiness . . . you know who says that? Those that already have money; they weren't happy to start with. I bet I am. Give me one million dollars, hell, give me five dollars, I'll show you happy!
2. I wish my wife had much bigger . . . . . . . . . yea, you know what; something to grab onto and ride like the wind, something to keep from being bucked off, something that would allow me to have a mouthful and eat my cake too. I tell you, there's nothing like having to eat with small forks. You know, bigger forks would get more food to my mouth, I could stop wasting so much time eating and get back to enjoying life.
3. I wish for cat's that had a rubber-like substance around their body. I can't play basketball in the house, too much breakable stuff. How much fun would it be to shoot a three-pointer from the comfort of my own recliner and hear "Meeeoooooow!" at the same time? By the way, never try this unless they have a rubbery substance - did you know cat's don't really bounce?
4. My own bar, where I could be the bartender. People always tell you their problems if you're the bartender at a bar . . . I don't like telling others my problems . . . so maybe then I could tell them to myself as I drown in the recesses of a milky & vodka White Russian.
5. I wish we could combine all religions. There'd be nothing cooler than being able to rub elbows with Muslim and Christians, Catholics and Wiccans at the same time. All would be invited, except for Cannibals. Nobody likes them. Imagine if the cocktail weenies all ran out at a social gathering - I think the Mormons would be the first to go. I wonder if they taste like chicken . . . I'll have to go to the Pacific one day and ask around . . . maybe bring a few with me, in case, you know.
6. Pants that had belts that automatically attached whenever put on. Good, I'm glad you're available tonight (as pants off the backside mean in prison) but it's really not that nice. Scooby Doo boxers do nothing for me. Now red, lacy thongs . . . hm? Note to self, stop by Victoria Secret on the way home.
7. Grass that mowed itself, because there's something about the minute screams that really grates my nerves as the lawn mower shaves a little off the top of each blade. I wonder if grass talks about us after we're done . . . you know, maybe cutting the grass is better after all; I hate when things talk about me behind my back.
8. I wish my hands moved as fast as my brain, because when I'm, you know, envisioning things, I'd like my hands to be able to keep up with my brain. God I type too slow.
9. Crossing signs that made a sound, instead of flashing lights. Because I wear my sunglasses at night sometimes too . . . and I'm sure it would be good for blind people too. How do we warn blind and deaf . . . ?
10. More insensitive people. Why is it that all things written have to offend someone? I mean, I doubt you personally were being thought about as a certain piece of literature was being written, or were you? Yea, that's right, you're on my Shiite list.
11. I wish I could smoke inside. Many non-smokers come outside, yet people continually complain that they don't like the smell of smoke. You know, holding your breath's not really THAT hard.
12. I'd like more to talk about, and more time to do so. I'm sure there's someone out there I haven't offended yet, just wait, I'm getting around to you. That's right Rebecca. I've talked about religion, tacos, handicaps, and animals . . . Kung Fu is next.
So, what wishes do you have? What do you hope for when you think of tomorrow? I hope for world peace. Isn't that the usual cliche' answer? I'm a little more selfish than that . . .
1. I wish for . . . one million dollars! (duh, duh, duuuuuuh!) They say money doesn't bring you happiness . . . you know who says that? Those that already have money; they weren't happy to start with. I bet I am. Give me one million dollars, hell, give me five dollars, I'll show you happy!
2. I wish my wife had much bigger . . . . . . . . . yea, you know what; something to grab onto and ride like the wind, something to keep from being bucked off, something that would allow me to have a mouthful and eat my cake too. I tell you, there's nothing like having to eat with small forks. You know, bigger forks would get more food to my mouth, I could stop wasting so much time eating and get back to enjoying life.
3. I wish for cat's that had a rubber-like substance around their body. I can't play basketball in the house, too much breakable stuff. How much fun would it be to shoot a three-pointer from the comfort of my own recliner and hear "Meeeoooooow!" at the same time? By the way, never try this unless they have a rubbery substance - did you know cat's don't really bounce?
4. My own bar, where I could be the bartender. People always tell you their problems if you're the bartender at a bar . . . I don't like telling others my problems . . . so maybe then I could tell them to myself as I drown in the recesses of a milky & vodka White Russian.
5. I wish we could combine all religions. There'd be nothing cooler than being able to rub elbows with Muslim and Christians, Catholics and Wiccans at the same time. All would be invited, except for Cannibals. Nobody likes them. Imagine if the cocktail weenies all ran out at a social gathering - I think the Mormons would be the first to go. I wonder if they taste like chicken . . . I'll have to go to the Pacific one day and ask around . . . maybe bring a few with me, in case, you know.
6. Pants that had belts that automatically attached whenever put on. Good, I'm glad you're available tonight (as pants off the backside mean in prison) but it's really not that nice. Scooby Doo boxers do nothing for me. Now red, lacy thongs . . . hm? Note to self, stop by Victoria Secret on the way home.
7. Grass that mowed itself, because there's something about the minute screams that really grates my nerves as the lawn mower shaves a little off the top of each blade. I wonder if grass talks about us after we're done . . . you know, maybe cutting the grass is better after all; I hate when things talk about me behind my back.
8. I wish my hands moved as fast as my brain, because when I'm, you know, envisioning things, I'd like my hands to be able to keep up with my brain. God I type too slow.
9. Crossing signs that made a sound, instead of flashing lights. Because I wear my sunglasses at night sometimes too . . . and I'm sure it would be good for blind people too. How do we warn blind and deaf . . . ?
10. More insensitive people. Why is it that all things written have to offend someone? I mean, I doubt you personally were being thought about as a certain piece of literature was being written, or were you? Yea, that's right, you're on my Shiite list.
11. I wish I could smoke inside. Many non-smokers come outside, yet people continually complain that they don't like the smell of smoke. You know, holding your breath's not really THAT hard.
12. I'd like more to talk about, and more time to do so. I'm sure there's someone out there I haven't offended yet, just wait, I'm getting around to you. That's right Rebecca. I've talked about religion, tacos, handicaps, and animals . . . Kung Fu is next.
posted by Jeremy Tucker at
8:34 AM
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