Freewriting about things I'd like to know

Freewriting June 17, 2008

Things I’d like to know…

This topic makes me think of Designing Women and Charlene. Charlene was always making odd off the wall comments about “I wonder why…”

Let me think for a minute…things I’d like to know.

I’d like to know why I’m so smart but my son seems so dumb sometimes. Don’t get me wrong. I love him to death. But I see him making some of the same mistakes I made once upon a time. Why can’t he listen to me and my experience?

I’d like to know how fathers can leave their families and go off to live separate lives. Don’t they care about the children they leave behind? Don’t they know how it affects them for the rest of their lives?

I’d like to know what our new assistant principal is going to be like. It’s always scary to get a new administrator. I know his name and where he’s transferring from, but I have no other information about him. Does he like technology? Will he be hard on us when he observes us teaching? Is he good with handling discipline? Will he get along with our principal?

I’d like to know just how God thought of all those different plants that He created. I was praying on my way to Blackwater this morning, and trying to give Him praise for things, and so I was paying special attention to all the different trees and flowers that I passed. I could never have imagined so many different creations. Different types of bark, different shapes of leaves, different shades and striations of petals. I might have been able to think of one type of pine tree, but He didn’t stop with just one. There are numerous types of pines, and they’re all different. I used to know them all, but I’ve forgotten them now. But as I was driving, I could see the differences. How did He do it?

I’d like to know what my kids will be doing in ten years, or in twenty years. Will they be married? Will they have kids? Will they live near me? Will they have good careers? Will they be happy? Will they still talk to me at all?

I’d like to know the results of my sleep test from last week. Do I have sleep apnea or not? If not, then why am I having trouble sleeping? Why don’t doctors let you know results as soon as they get them? Is it that hard to write a letter or make a phone call?

I’d like to know just how high gas is going to get this summer. I think it will go up to $5 over July 4 weekend. When will the politicians realize that us common folks just can’t afford to drive and to eat. We have to choose one or the other in some cases. And there’s no public transportation in a lot of places, so we don’t have a choice.

I’d like to know the recipes for all these breakfast foods we’ve been enjoying. I love breakfast casseroles, and I’ve tasted some of the best ones this past week.

I’d like to know what this school year will be like without having Pam on our hall. I hate that she was transferred to third grade. I won’t be able to run down to her room all the time for advice or to just gripe about things. It’s going to be so different. It will affect Katie even more than it will affect me. Katie and Pam were best friends. Will all our friendships die? I know they won’t be as strong as they were. I hate change sometimes.

I’d like to know what I’ll be doing in ten or twenty years. Will I still be teaching? Will I be consulting? Will I have finally earned my Master’s? Will I still be living in Waycross?

I’d like to know what my ancestors were like. I never knew one of my grandmothers because she died before I was born. Am I anything like her? What worries did she have? What songs did she sing? What was she proud of?

I’d like to know how long my mother and aunts and uncles will live. And my other grandmother. That may seem morbid, but maybe I’d be able to treasure my time with them more. Or maybe not. I should be treasuring the time I have with them anyway, right, no matter how long it might be. Maybe there are some things I really wouldn’t like to know.

I’d like to know what kind of relationship my father would have had with me and with my children. Would he have spent time with us? Would he appreciate us and be proud of us? He died when I was eighteen, but I didn’t really know him. I won’t ever understand why he acted the way he did. I won’t ever understand the feud he had with a neighbor and how that changed his life. Those are questions I live with every day. Some days they’re loud in my mind, and other days they’re just a soft whisper that I can ignore.

I’d like to know why all those women want Flava Flav. It must be because of the money, or to get their five minutes of fame. I have to admit I haven’t watched all of the show, because I just can’t stomach it. But from what I’ve seen, he’s not the sharpest or the prettiest tool in the shed.

I’d like to know just how far we’ll go with all the reality shows that are on. Will it get to something like ‘The Running Man”? I’m afraid we’re headed there fast. Isn’t real life entertaining enough for us? Why do we have to turn to watching the lives of others to get some kind of pleasure? What does that say about us as a society? Have we lost the ability to truly live? Have we replaced it with a box with sound and moving pictures?

I’d like to know where ex-boyfriends are. Who did they end up with? Where do they live now? Are they happy? Would they have been happier with me? Would I have been happier with them? I don’t think so. With them, I wouldn’t have the beautiful babies that I have now. But still I wonder about “what might have been”. I guess we all wonder those things at times. I admit I’ve Googled a name or two, but haven’t been able to find much. I haven’t really tried hard, though. Maybe I don’t really want to know those things after all.

I wonder how clean the house will be when I get home. Last night wasn’t too bad. Amber is good about keeping things picked up and telling the other two what to do. Still, I’m sure I’ll have to go in and face some laundry and a kitchen full of dirty dishes. Maybe that will be the worst thing I face today. I hope so. I can handle that kind of problem pretty easily.

I wonder if my cousin Jeremy’s baby will be a boy or a girl. I’m so happy for him and Megan. He’s had a great year. He just earned his doctorate last month, in genetics of all things. And now he’ll be a father. He’s the first of the grandkids to actually become a father, himself. I was so afraid it would be my son. I’m not ready for the title of Grandma. I never want that title. I want my grandchildren to call me Duchess. I’m not sure why. It just sounds regal, and a lot better than “Mamaw” or “Granny”. Ick. I don’t want to be a grandmother for many years.

I wonder if my chewing noises sound as loud to other people as they do to me. I’m trying not to make any noise, but it seems the harder I try, the more my tongue and teeth just won’t cooperate. Oh well, I’ll enjoy breakfast anyway.

I could list “I wonders” all day long. There are so many things I wonder about. I wonder if other people have as many I wonders as I do. I guess I won’t ever know, and the day I stop wondering is the day I die. It’s good to wonder, because that’s the only way we learn.

What if Sir Isaac Newton had never wondered about the apple that fell from the tree? Or Ben Franklin had never wondered about lightning? Or Thomas Jefferson had never wondered about those taxes? Or Edison about light? Or Bell about hearing problems? Or Ford about horseless carriages? Or Bill Gates about computer productivity? And so many I wonders before them. Cavemen wondering about shapes to create the wheel. It would be interesting to do a whole I wonder list from the beginning of time. Eve wondering about the apple and the serpent’s words. Noah wondering if it ever would actually rain, and what rain was anyway.

Oh well, maybe that list of “I wonders” is for another day.