To Spank, or Not to Spank?

I don't think Hamlet's parents ever asked this question.
No, I'm pretty sure Hamlet got his fair share of spankings.
Maybe too many spankings...

But is there any such thing?

Yesterday in Atlanta Bread Company, Dr. Sewell, Joel and I spoke at great length about whether spanking was a good thing. Actually, we all agreed that spanking is often necessary.

I remember getting spankings as a child. And though I probably deserved many, many more, I always remembered what had brought on the spankings and generally steered clear of bad behavior.

I've often thought that if I had my own children, I might not spank them. But seeing (read: babysitting) my sister's three children over Christmas every year makes a believer out of me... a believer in corporal punishment, that is.

(That's a horrible phrase, isn't it? Corporal punishment... )

Here's a glimpse into my Christmas vacation this past year:

One fine day, my sister and I decided to take her new Durango (hers for three days and already dinged up by a golf-club-wielding three-year-old) to Target. She was planning a baby shower and we needed to get some invitations.

My sister asked her husband to watch the three kids while we were gone (two girls, age 8 and 5, and a boy, age 3). When we went to get in the Durango, the oldest girl got in her Barbie Jeep and proceeded to drive it into the yard and behind the Durango, which was driving in reverse. I got out and yelled at her, telling her she had scared me to death and she needed to get back under the garage.

She said "OK," and went back under the garage in her Barbie Jeep. She then got the most horribly evil look on her face(like Angelica from Rugrats, but multiplied by three times as much spite and demon possession). As soon as my sister put the car in reverse, the demon spawn drove the Barbie Jeep behind us AGAIN!!! My sister and I were having simultaneous panic attacks and I got out of the Durango a second time.

At that point, words failed me. I was tired of yelling at these kids, who weren't mine to yell at in the first place. I was tired of hearing my sister try to reason with them or punish them only to have her husband immediately cancel out what she'd said by laughing and saying "You don't have to listen to your mom. Go play."

I was flooded with anger. I made her get out of the Barbie Jeep and spanked her right then and there, in the driveway. She ran to the house, crying all the way and yelling "LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I HATE YOU!!!"

Ahh, children. It almost makes me want to get my tubes tied.

But wait... who is the real person deserving of punishment in this whole situation? The eight-year-old girl, or the thirty-something father who's sitting under the garage drinking a beer and ignoring his children while they attempt Evil Knievel tricks in the yard?

My brother-in-law. He's the one who needs corporal punishment.